Charli XCX said everything is romantic so why am I romanticizing Republicanism?

Is my Stanley cup a part of the conservative pipeline?

It’s Oscars season and…I don’t care. I’m too preoccupied with a crisis of conservative aesthetics to be bothered about the Best Picture winner (although my recovering Catholic heart is rooting for Conclave)

Recently, I found myself adding a green gingham babydoll dress complete with bow bib detailing and built-in petticoat to my cart while online shopping and thought… “Am I a Republican?”.

Obviously, I know that ideologically I sit farrrrrr to the left of Republicanism, yet I find myself falling further and further down a conservative aesthetic rabbit hole as the days go by.

My issue is not necessarily a question of “why do I dress like a Republican?” but more so, “why am I suddenly so bothered by that?”.

My aesthetic choices are not new. I’m not surprised by my taste in gingham. I have always soothed myself with the understanding that at my core, I am simply a privileged basic white girl from the suburbs and my personal aesthetic choices and interests are a product of my upbringing. While they may be in opposition, I can hold true to both my personal taste and political beliefs simultaneously.

I grew up going to private school and spent summers poolside at a country club with my nanny. I had American Girl Dolls and Barbies, sparkly dresses, and black patent leather Mary Janes. My activities of choice included ballet, figure skating, and gymnastics. As my mother describes it: 100% girl.

I’ve found myself frequently confronting the conflict between my politics and self expression throughout my adulthood. I particularly struggled as a new college student, freshly out of the closet (hi gay!), and dedicating myself to dissecting the ways race, class, and gender influence power structures in the United States (shoutout to my BA in American Studies!). By no means do I mean I struggled in a “woe is me, it’s so hard to be a white girl from the suburbs” way. I mean that in my 18 year old brain I believed that I must rid myself of all J. Crew cardigans and Ugg boots and instead wear exclusively thrifted flannel to express my commitment to academic integrity. As if my puff sleeved peter pan collar button downs were single handedly powering the patriarchy. It’s college! Everybody has a moment of misguided self reinvention!

In my second year, I was in a feminist theory class specifically focused on girlhood. One of our assignments was to write a personal essay about the artifacts of our own childhood. I remember writing about a bright red plastic vinyl Minnie Mouse wallet I had at probably age 3. I LOVED that wallet. I carried it everywhere. I put pretend money in the billfold and plastic play credit cards in the card slots. It even had a fold out photo slot complete with the woman herself, Minnie Mouse. I was so ashamed to be admitting to loving such a material good, a literal representation of consumerism, and an emblem of the Disney company.

Part of the assignment was to analyze the childhood artifacts and the way those items have carried through into our adulthood. I wrote about how I still love Disney and I still love to shop. How my favorite place on earth (ew I even hate admitting it now) is Disneyland and I will happily fork over those $200 for 12 hours of bliss. I spent the majority of the essay self flagellating for having such material taste and emotional reliance on a deeply harmful corporation. In the kindest way possible, my professor’s response was “it’s not that deep”. She basically told me to stop freaking out and punishing myself for liking the things that I like because clearly it holds value for me. She also reassured me that if I’m able to recognize the more harmful aspects of the things I enjoy, I should allow myself to simultaneously hold the positives because the world is too dark to deny myself joy. Essentially she said there is no ethical consumption under capitalism so might as well wear the Mickey ears. Literally rocked my world. Anne, I think about those comments on my essay like every 2 days. You revolutionized the way I think about my taste and values.

I have carried her comments with me in every decision I make for the last almost 10 years. I allow myself to feel the guilt, the shame, and the joy simultaneously. Or at least I did until very recently. Some time between…mmm probably November 5th and January 20th if I had to be specific.

I recognize that my taste in frills, Mary Janes, and a good blowout can be linked to my country club childhood but I've started to notice that the farther this country descends into conservatism, the pinker I get. The more that checking the news feels like doomscrolling through the darkest timeline, the stronger my impulse to online shop. The more executive orders signed, the more time I spend on my hair. My heightened interest in consumerism and aesthetics feels intrinsically linked to the current political age.

I like pink and sparkles and bows and hearts and ruffles. I like to shop, I like cute outfits, I like to do my hair and makeup. I bake and I cook and I do hand crafts like needlepoint and cross stitch. I mend my own clothes and have a constantly growing apron collection. And I write all that down and think “this is the future conservatives want”. I’m basically choosing to live the domesticated ideal of conservatives everywhere…except for the queerness, and the rejection of Christianity, and the lack of a million babies. But I find myself continually questioning, is this really my own taste, or am I leaning into the conservative agenda I am being fed?

My friends assure me that while I do have a “girly” aesthetic, it is bright and exaggerated enough to still read as queer. Let’s be honest, my style icon is an American Girl Doll and most people in their late 20s don’t wear as many bows in their hair as I do. Yet, I look at myself and see conservative influence from my perfectly manicured almond shaped fingertips to my Ugg slipper wearing toes.

When I talk about “the conservative aesthetic” I’m talking about a very specific, idealized, luxury lifestyle. The people who project American Idealism like it’s a brand. The Pookie and Jetts of the world. The Trad Wives. The Winter in Aspen, Summer in the Hamptons, looking for a man in finance girls. The effortless chicness of birthing a baby with a full face and perfect blowout. The family full of beautiful blonde mini-me’s running through a field of wheat in gingham smocked clothing with perfect smiles. It’s propaganda. It’s white nationalist propaganda (ope we’re breaking out the big words).

To be clear, I don’t identify my country club childhood to position myself as either relatable or aspirational, I mention it to illustrate that I understand this world. I grew up surrounded by people who “don’t want to talk about politics…but isn’t it nice to live in a community of nice, respectable, traditional families”. Happy, smiling families who live life for the sake of appearances rather than…living. People who present themselves as charitable all without leaving their tax bracket by inventing a foundation or hosting a gala and who would just as soon mock and disparage the communities they proclaim their charity towards behind closed doors.

As someone who continues to live just on the outskirts of this world, my spidey senses start to tingle anytime I cross paths with a girl who looks like a former sorority sister that would have bullied me for taking a gender studies class, most bleach blondes, anyone too invested in personal fitness while carrying a designer bag, girls with slick back ponytails and cropped puffer jackets, anyone carrying a Stanley cup, white women in gingham or sweater sets, anyone who favors pastels, and all women who look like they belong on the cover of Town & Country Magazine. I also assume all white men are conservative unless proven otherwise, just to be safe.

@ivehaditpodcastBURN THE CUP. #fyp #foryoupage #stanleycup #stanley #stanleytumbler #trump #maga

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Is my judgement reductive and simplistic? Absolutely! But I understand that self expression is political. Personal style is political. Material culture is political. It communicates your ideology to the rest of the world and over and over again the ideology of people who express themselves in this way has been reinforced to me as overwhelmingly conservative.

The issue is, I check almost all of those boxes. I have blonde highlights, I love a slick back and my Lululemon cropped puffer jacket, you can pry my Stanley cup from my cold dead hands (it really keeps the water colder!), and we’ve already established my proclivity for gingham and pastels. And again I ask, is that me being a product of my environment or is it an active choice I’m making?

Clearly, the answer is “I don’t know”.

What I do know is that I feel a culture wide swing towards conservatism corrupting all of us. It’s in the platforming of “domestic” influencers, it’s in the rise of “quiet luxury” and hyperfemininity, it’s in the conservative propaganda masquerading as a lifestyle magazine, hell, it’s even in Taylor Swift’s WAG era.

I’m not the only one feeling it either. Trend forecasters can look to popular fashion movements to make sense of the political climate. It’s not just “clothes” (okay Miranda Priestly) or “trends”, it’s politics. It’s material culture. It’s indicative of a wave of widespread ideology. There’s a reason major fashion houses are no longer afraid to dress the Trump administration.

@elysiabermanI’ve BEEN saying Nara and Lucky were Trumpies but Scout Dixon West shocked me. #fashion #fashiontrends #americana #quietluxury #oldmoney #oldmoneyaesthetic #scoutdixonwest #narasmith #tradwife

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I see it in my own interactions with social media algorithms. My TikTok, Instagram, and Pinterest feeds have never been more sure that I am a straight, Christian woman. And yes, we’ve established I have the aesthetic taste of an American Girl Doll and I certainly interact with a lot of basic-white-girl social content but the last few months have skewed farrrrrrr more…right. I am truly concerned that the internet thinks I am a Republican based on the feed I’m now being shown. I knew things were dire when Pinterest (my fave) showed me an Elaine reaction that cut me to my core.

only half true

I could handle Instagram showing me Happy Family and I Love My Boyfriend content because it doesn’t really know me. But Pinterest?! My best friend, Pinterest? I was horrified! I immediately starting searching for all kinds of gay things in an attempt to retrain the algorithm but the damage was done. Is this now the internet that I am forced to live on? There’s a reason I’m choosing to spend more and more of my time on Substack! (not to say this platform is immune because it is surely not)

On a broader scale, women the internet over share my paranoia. “Republican Makeup” has become a viral TikTok trend as liberal (white) women strive to distance themselves from conservatism in whatever way they can.

@j_ashley1989#republicanmakeup #makeup

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Like most viral trends centered around women, it has quickly devolved into a way to call each other ugly and while I recognize the harm in creating further division and in grouping, I unfortunately can’t feel too bad for not wanting to be identified with the political party responsible for defunding USAID, leaving the WHO, overhauling the CDC, and renaming the Gulf of Mexico. Not to mention their extreme prejudice shown towards the LGBTQ+ community, people of color, immigrants, the disabled community, and literally anyone else that’s not a straight, white, cis male billionaire. And don’t get me started on reproductive rights!

So, what do I do about it? Well, I’m not going to throw out my entire wardrobe or suddenly develop a whole new personal style. I like what I like. And maybe I like it because I grew up the way I did or because casual conservatism is influencing my taste, but regardless, I like it. Pink and ruffles and bows and blonde highlights bring me joy and have for many years now. It feels like me so I’m going to keep wearing it. I’m going to wear my frilly collared shirts and puffy sleeved dresses while recognizing that I am always steps away from conservative conformity. I’m also going to keep being unapologetically queer and visibly chronically ill and loudly opinionated. I refuse to allow this new conservative era to take both my personal style and my personality. They can’t have it. They can try and take my rights but they won’t take my American Girl Doll dresses.

The way forward, I think, is to live in spite. I’ll continue carrying my Stanley cup, but if I start using it to beat up racists, don’t be surprised.

PS: I bought that gingham babydoll dress and I look incredibly cute wearing it!